Breaking News in Haar

Haarer news: Seit dem 7007 in vollpension ist, gebe ich hier die neusten haar statistiken wider: discounter: 1. diebstähle von billigem fuzl drastisch gesunken 2. Umsätz von schweinesülze, cordon bleu, fleischppflanzerln, gummibärchen in kiloeimern , pizzen und Baguettes mit speck und schinken, kola, kolamixgetränke, fruchtnektare sind eingebrochen…..Unverändert: Umsatz von hygieneartikel gleich geblieben!

Apotheken: Grosser einbruch im opiat business, die kleinen apos in haar kommen so langsam ins rudern. Statistiker und Finanzexperten versuchen einen kausalen, lokalen zusammenhang zwischen dem gleichzeitigen umsatzeinbruch von: Opiaten, benzos, antidepressiva, herzmedikamenten, stimmulanzien, afrodisiaka, muskelrelaxantien (analzäpfchen) herzuleiten. Momentan kann sich niemand ein bild machen.
Ein wissenschaftler sprachen von einem ähnlichen effekt in der rumänischen stadt Sibiu, welcher so dort vor jahren auch immer wieder jährlich ereignet hatte! Die behörden in Sibiu nannten ihn den „Doppeltitten-Effekt“ andere den m3e30 Effekt, weil sich zu der zeit immer dieses auto in der stadt zeigte. Seid ein paar jahren, so sagen die einheimischen, ist jedoch ruhe eingekehrt…..und alle sind froh darüber…… be continued, stay sharp!

Der Krankenhaus-Nomade schlägt wieder zu

Es ist Mai in München, aber nicht irgend ein Tag im Mai, heute ist ein ganz besonderer Tag. Heute hat unser Danny aus dem Geschlecht der Fam.Dr.Rohypnol seinen zweiten Gerichtstermin, wegen ein bissi auf Opiaten und Alk den Pipi-Kaka-Vollkotz-3er-BMW fahren. Die bläde Kuh hat ihn erwischt, wenn sie schon nicht sein Herz haben kann, dann doch bitte seinen Führerschein.

Darauf hat er natürlich so viel Bock wie auf seinen Fußpilz oder seine Sackflöhe, was macht man da bloß?

Richtig liebe Freunde, man ballert sich mit Medis zu und klappt im Gerichtssaal um, wird mit dem Rettungswagen in’s Krankenhaus gebracht.

Endlich wieder ein wenig Krankenhauspersonal terrorisieren!

Endlich wieder Selbstdiagnose! Heute hat sich Danny Kaliumüberschuss ausgesucht, wie kreativ.


Lesson #1: Explaining to working persons why I am busy all day

Developing your skills

1. Do what you love 

Staying busy with activities that are meaningful to you, however, can be energizing (read more: DIY: Oxi instead of heroine)

What to say?

  • „Sorry, I can’t have a job right now since I’m working on my health issues and I feel it’s getting better. As soon as I’m fit again I’ll start sending out applications“

2. Pursue a hobby

You probably have at least one hobby in your life that you really enjoy, if not more. Concentrate on one or two of them. Become an expert! Even hobbies that don’t seem action-oriented on the surface can be explored deeply.
For example, if your hobby is beverage, you can start with a nice glass of wine.
But don’t stop there. Research new drinks and explore new Wodkas . Start a blog and write reviews of how bad your hangover was. But no matter what you do, please don’t stop – there is always a way to take it to the next level.

What to say?

  • „Could you please turn the volume down!“ I’m having such a bad headache and I don’t know where it comes from. Give me an hour and I’ll feel better…“
  • Sorry, but I can’t get anything straight since my head is killing me. Could you do me a favor and go to the pharmacy – I truly need some pain killers to get things started. Oh, by the way, I don’t have any money, I’ll give it back to you as soon as possible (<—of course this means never)

3. Focus on a project

If you’re in the middle of a  project that you’re enjoying, really throw yourself into honing your skills and making it a success. You could get busy with a project at home, like replacing all of the curtains that once were white, building a piece of furniture that now is in desperate need of a entire make over, or painting the walls a new color to get rid of the smell of cigarettes.

What to say?

  • „I need to move to another place. I can’t live here no longer, everything is so old and I just can’t motivate myself to make this place a home. Moving to a new apartment will change everything!“
  • „Even a dog has a better life than I do! At least he has someone who takes care of the place he lives.“

Entertaining yourself

1. Play a game. Pass the time by playing an old school game, like Real Life Monopoly with the only friend you still have. If you’re looking for something a little different, go online and try out some of the many games available there. Everything from Candy Crush and Tipico to role playing games like on are online.

  • Keep yourself busy with solo games like Youpron.
  • If you are looking for something a little more intense, give Tinder a try.

What to say?

  • „Uhh, I’m so exhausted today. I was working out so hard. I finally know what to do with my life – I only need some money from you to start my own business :-)“
  • „You know, I really was thinking about me and my life and I realized that I have made so many wrong decisions. I really…really should have been more demanding and I should have claimed more for my rights!“

…to be continued

2. Call a friend. Instead of texting or sending your friends instant messages via your computer or tablet, give them a call. A good chat with a friend will keep you occupied and raise your spirits. Call up your friends just to chat, or make plans how to keep your helping hand busy and worried.

  • Plan some activities that you can all do together, like go to the detoxification clinic, head to the doctors, visit the local police station, check out a gas station to behave yobbishly or just go on a walk together and keep moaning about your knee problems.

What to say?

  • „I’m stuck in this apartment all day and I have no money for food, water or anything else!“ You gotta help me – I’m starving
  • „Hey, I just wanted to call you to see how you’re doing and to tell you that I really need some money.“
  • „Can you buy me a bike? I’ve found a good one and it’s really cheap.“